So some of you might be asking where I’ve been lately. Well it seems I have been drowning in a sea of crap. Not bad crap, important crap, but crap nonetheless. let me explain.
About a month or so ago I got back from an amazing week in Haiti. Awesome times, spiritually uplifting times, life-changing evaluate the world times. But then I got back and the world has hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. At Church we were moving to a new location, at home we are preparing for a baby. at school there are 80 students eagerly expecting me to have something to say, and then, of course, there is the looming albatross of my dissertation.
Now I’m not saying I have been overworked, for the most part all parties have been understanding and resourceful in helping me balance my responsibilities. (Thanks Erica for being the best ever.) Despite their understanding, however, the anxiety of so much responsibility/change starts to weigh down on me. Interestingly what I have noticed in these times is that when this happens I start engaging in self-destructive behavior. Here’s the list of what I do:
1. I turn inward and cut of the people who can help me.
2. I put down my Bible and distance myself from God.
3. I stop going to the gym and start eating like crap.
4. I look for escapes through books, movies, cleaning, unimportant projects, whatever distracts me from what i need to do.
5. Shop therapy. Forget living simply–it’s time to buy some junk.
Put these all together and you have a life that is rapidly spiraling in the opposite of my desired direction. Don’t get me wrong this happens to a greater or lesser degree all the time, but for the past month I have been a drastically reduced version of me.
Luckily I feel as if I can breathe again. This is in part to positive steps on my part to stop engaging in self-destruction, but also thanks to a good friend who took the time to ask me what’s been up lately. Truth be told I have tried to hide my feelings of frustration and crapitude, but it’s nice to know that when I take a downward spin I have others there to politely point me back in a positive direction.
So here I am interwebs, it’s nice to see you again.